I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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