Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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