I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize