gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize