Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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