I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize