I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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