Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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