Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
two words: eviction party
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize