you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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