well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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