I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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