HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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