just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize