Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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