They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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