it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
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you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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