Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
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On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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