dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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