my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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