Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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