I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
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any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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