You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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