I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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