her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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