I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
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I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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