just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize