just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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