Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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