Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize