Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
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I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
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He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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