I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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