You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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