So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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