I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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