you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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