The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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