Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize