Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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