I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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