i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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