Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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