I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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