Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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