Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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