I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize