Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize