Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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