Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
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It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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