Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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